(Alternate Title: It's like a Choose Your Own Adventure Book)
Ok, so, from this point forward, the Blueberry Blog will be updated live rather than in 1980's sit-com flashback form. So to catch up prior to this point, read this blog from the first post (the bottom post), but from here on, we'll be updating as things move along.
Thanks in advance,
The Management
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
The Secrets.....Revealed!!!!
It's pretty difficult to motivate to write a blog post when you know that no one is looking at it.
Huh. Interesting, eh?
So, luckily that's going to be changing soon, so here I go, back on the horse with the Neverending Story of the pregnancy. Much like the magician who showed all of his tricks, what I reveal here is a peek behind the curtain at the great Blueberry cover-up...the tricks of the trade, the lies, the uh..more lies, the um...well....covert operations? Maybe?
Actually, let me let evil Justin take over for a little bit.....
OK, LET'S BE STRAIGHT PEOPLE, if you're a good enough friend to be reading this blog, at some point, either Jess or I lied to you. Period. Let's not sugar coat it. In fact, in some cases, I enjoyed it. I laughed when you asked me "what's new" and I said nothing. I giggled when I got off the phone and had just covered up the fact that we're having a child....I thought it was funny. I got a strange thrill out of it. How you like me now? Huh? Huh?
Sorry about that....we're going to keep him bottled up from here on...moving right along.....
The next portion of our story can be entitled (in Honor of Rocky and Bullwinkle): Morning Sickness or Where All Jess Threw Up. Let's see....Saugatuck, Michigan (multiple times on that one, once in a restaurant during the middle of dinner - that was a fun one), the Clark and Division Red Line Station (the morning after Election Night - her celebratory ice cream didn't do her good - but no one helped her because the entire city was hungover that morning, and we're assuming that they just thought she was in the same boat), her office (quite a bit), home (we have a routine down)....the list goes on and on.....pretty much the majority of October and early November was spent on our couch (which I am not known to complain about during college football season).
During that time, we also had the excitement of the first cancelled trip due to the baby. We were supposed to be going to Vegas at the end of October (please note, again, we apologiz..LIES, DIRTY STINKING LIES about why we weren't going). So, since we couldn't exactly lie to our friends Sharon and Todd about why we weren't going, Sharon and Todd were blessed (that's right Todd, blessed) to be the first to find out about the Blueberry.
There is one other area that I would be remiss if I did not discuss in this episode of "Pregnancy Revealed." That is....fake drinking.
I don't know if you know this, but Jess likes to have a nip of the hooch every so often (I know, I do too, but this isn't about me, so stop judging; it's about Jess - as such, judge her). The lack of such nips would be a bit of a telltale sign that something was up, so, as such, that's where fake drinking came in. What I've done here is for the sake of convenience is made a list of the different social events where the new Burtnett pastime of fake drinking took place, please look at the list for the social event or events you attended with us and you'll know how we TRICKED YOU, THAT'S RIGHT, WE TRICKED YOU......
Mom's Birthday - Three-Drink Monty (Jess and I putting our drinks next to each other and me taking one for the team and drinking both drinks) and the tried and true Bud Light bottle filled with water.
Chili Cookoff - Let's see, pouring a Bud Light out in the sink and adding in Lemonade was the way of the world at this one, although we did also do some three-drink Monty with Makers and Ginger (yeah, really quick, before we go too much further, I'd like everyone to recognize the sacrifices I made here, I was willing to drink for two on many a night to keep up this elaborate ruse. That totally goes against my character as you all know....I'd just like some credit for that, thanks.). I also believe a Ginger with a splash of Coke was used at this event.
David and Michelle's Michigan Wedding - This was a straight Bud Light with water in it and three-drink Monty. Oh yeah, Jess almost booted in David's mom's house, I'd be remiss in not mentioning that....
Mixteco Grill Dinner - One of our more clever ploys...we poured out two Bud Lights and refilled them with Lemonade and then recapped them. Despite the fact I really really didn't want to drink Bud Light at a nice dinner, we figured it was the safe move, as no one in the history of man has ever asked for "a taste of your Bud Light" (man, it even looks funny in print).
Webster Wine Bar - Welsh's Light White Grape Juice...stuff looks exactly like watery wine...when no one is looking, it's perfect (Thanks Kathleen). That being said, Jess was told that she needed to try the Champagne over and over, how'd she try it? That's right, when everyone wasn't looking, I chugged it. (Note: That's a horrible, horrible idea. Kids, do not try this at home)
Majors' Wedding - Vodka Tonics made out of Sprite with limes.
Girls Night - Cherry Juice as red wine. That's a Burtnett original.
If fake drinking were an Olympic sport, Jess would be an Eastern Bloc Rhythmic Gymnastic Team (totally isn't where you thought I was going there, was it?).
Huh. Interesting, eh?
So, luckily that's going to be changing soon, so here I go, back on the horse with the Neverending Story of the pregnancy. Much like the magician who showed all of his tricks, what I reveal here is a peek behind the curtain at the great Blueberry cover-up...the tricks of the trade, the lies, the uh..more lies, the um...well....covert operations? Maybe?
Actually, let me let evil Justin take over for a little bit.....
OK, LET'S BE STRAIGHT PEOPLE, if you're a good enough friend to be reading this blog, at some point, either Jess or I lied to you. Period. Let's not sugar coat it. In fact, in some cases, I enjoyed it. I laughed when you asked me "what's new" and I said nothing. I giggled when I got off the phone and had just covered up the fact that we're having a child....I thought it was funny. I got a strange thrill out of it. How you like me now? Huh? Huh?
Sorry about that....we're going to keep him bottled up from here on...moving right along.....
The next portion of our story can be entitled (in Honor of Rocky and Bullwinkle): Morning Sickness or Where All Jess Threw Up. Let's see....Saugatuck, Michigan (multiple times on that one, once in a restaurant during the middle of dinner - that was a fun one), the Clark and Division Red Line Station (the morning after Election Night - her celebratory ice cream didn't do her good - but no one helped her because the entire city was hungover that morning, and we're assuming that they just thought she was in the same boat), her office (quite a bit), home (we have a routine down)....the list goes on and on.....pretty much the majority of October and early November was spent on our couch (which I am not known to complain about during college football season).
During that time, we also had the excitement of the first cancelled trip due to the baby. We were supposed to be going to Vegas at the end of October (please note, again, we apologiz..LIES, DIRTY STINKING LIES about why we weren't going). So, since we couldn't exactly lie to our friends Sharon and Todd about why we weren't going, Sharon and Todd were blessed (that's right Todd, blessed) to be the first to find out about the Blueberry.
There is one other area that I would be remiss if I did not discuss in this episode of "Pregnancy Revealed." That is....fake drinking.
I don't know if you know this, but Jess likes to have a nip of the hooch every so often (I know, I do too, but this isn't about me, so stop judging; it's about Jess - as such, judge her). The lack of such nips would be a bit of a telltale sign that something was up, so, as such, that's where fake drinking came in. What I've done here is for the sake of convenience is made a list of the different social events where the new Burtnett pastime of fake drinking took place, please look at the list for the social event or events you attended with us and you'll know how we TRICKED YOU, THAT'S RIGHT, WE TRICKED YOU......
Mom's Birthday - Three-Drink Monty (Jess and I putting our drinks next to each other and me taking one for the team and drinking both drinks) and the tried and true Bud Light bottle filled with water.
Chili Cookoff - Let's see, pouring a Bud Light out in the sink and adding in Lemonade was the way of the world at this one, although we did also do some three-drink Monty with Makers and Ginger (yeah, really quick, before we go too much further, I'd like everyone to recognize the sacrifices I made here, I was willing to drink for two on many a night to keep up this elaborate ruse. That totally goes against my character as you all know....I'd just like some credit for that, thanks.). I also believe a Ginger with a splash of Coke was used at this event.
David and Michelle's Michigan Wedding - This was a straight Bud Light with water in it and three-drink Monty. Oh yeah, Jess almost booted in David's mom's house, I'd be remiss in not mentioning that....
Mixteco Grill Dinner - One of our more clever ploys...we poured out two Bud Lights and refilled them with Lemonade and then recapped them. Despite the fact I really really didn't want to drink Bud Light at a nice dinner, we figured it was the safe move, as no one in the history of man has ever asked for "a taste of your Bud Light" (man, it even looks funny in print).
Webster Wine Bar - Welsh's Light White Grape Juice...stuff looks exactly like watery wine...when no one is looking, it's perfect (Thanks Kathleen). That being said, Jess was told that she needed to try the Champagne over and over, how'd she try it? That's right, when everyone wasn't looking, I chugged it. (Note: That's a horrible, horrible idea. Kids, do not try this at home)
Majors' Wedding - Vodka Tonics made out of Sprite with limes.
Girls Night - Cherry Juice as red wine. That's a Burtnett original.
If fake drinking were an Olympic sport, Jess would be an Eastern Bloc Rhythmic Gymnastic Team (totally isn't where you thought I was going there, was it?).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)