Man does this thing move!

Week 19....A few weeks ago I was very happy and relieved to hear the baby's heartbeat at the doctor's office since I'd started to feel better. I was beginning to think I wasn't pregnant anymore since I was sick for so long. Well, that won't be a worry anymore with this kid. Blueberry moves A LOT! I felt it for the first time while sitting on the couch at my parent's house over Christmas. For those women who have babies, as you know, it's really hard to describe the feeling. But its certainly nothing I've every felt before. At first I wasn't 100% sure I was feeling what I was feeling, but now I know because it happens all the time. I happens when I try to sleep. It happens when I'm watching TV. It happens while I'm working. It happens while I'm at court. It's happening right now!

Unfortunately Justin can't feel it yet. Blueberry was particularly active last night when I got home from work. I think the "el" gets him/her going. When Justin got home I had him try to feel it. Of course, when he put his hand on my belly, Blueberry stopped. Once he/she started moving again, we tried again. This time he/she kept moving, but Justin couldn't feel it. While he was trying, I had to laugh a little because we were sitting there on the couch, watching the news, with Justin's hand down my pants! (Mom, dad, don't read that part). He was the stereotypical male watching TV, except it was my gut he was holding on to, no his own! All we needed was football on the TV, beer and chips, and we'd have been set.

More later....Happy New Year!

Everyone knows now....finally!

The cat is officially out of the bag now. We finally told my brothers/sisters-in-law over Christmas. The reveals were rather funny.

We told John/Jenny last Saturday night. In order to make it obvious (so I thought), I wore a tight shirt, leaned sideways against the wall and and rubbed my belly. My brother John didn't blink. Nothing. Nada. Even as the rest of the family was breathlessly watching him for a reaction. My sister-in-law Jenny seemed to notice, but didn't say anything. Good thing I had a back-up plan! After about 5 minutes, I went upstairs (under the guise of needing to change into more comfortable clothes) and put on my bright green "Bun In The Oven" t-shirt. It took Jenny about 2.5 seconds to get it then...John about 5 seconds. Jenny said she noticed the belly, but wasn't sure if I'd just packed on the holiday weight a little early. Always better to err on the said of silence in that situation. John, of course, hadn't noticed a thing.

My Grandma Washburn also found out along with John and Jenny. When I walked down in my shirt, she laughed along with everyone else, but we quickly learned that she needed a little explanation on what "Bun In The Oven" meant. I suppose that isn't a phrase that too many 94 year olds know.

We didn't get to tell Joe and Juli at the same time. Joe got in Sunday night, but Juli didn't get in until Monday morning. For Joe, I did the same tight shirt/lean against the wall routine that I did with John and Jenny. The family's over/under on him noticing was 4 minutes. Let's just say he went over. I saw him look at my gut a few times, but he never said anything. I should have waited a little bit longer. Instead, I took off my sweater to reveal my green shirt. That got his attention. He kept saying "Really? I can't believe it" over and over again. I should have waited a little longer for the reveal because he said he was about a minute away from telling me that life without kids was treating me kindly... i.e. I'd gotten fat! That would have been priceless!

We didn't see Juli until the next morning. Instead of going through the whole routine again, cut to the chase and I walked downstairs in my shirt. She was leaning against the counter talking. I walked in... said "Hi"... stretched... and complained about being stiff. She said "Hi" back to me...gave me a funny look....sheepishly walked over to give me a hug...and then walked back to the counter and kept talking. By this time everyone was staring at her wondering when she would read my shirt. After a minute or two, she caught on and screamed. Since I hadn't walked over to give her a hug, she thought I was mad at her.... but I was just trying to get her to read my shirt!

Needless to say, we are both happy that everyone knows now. It was tough for us, and I'm sure tough for my parents, to keep the secret for a month. But it was all worth it.

Stay tuned for pictures of me in my shirt with my 19 week baby bump!

A Quick Bon Mot

So, as has been referred to on here recently, Jess has finally slayed the morning sickness monster. The days of me kindly stepping over her while she's throwing up in the toilet and running to get her a glass of juice, are over....so we thought.

Well, last night, my beloved Indianapolis Colts had a chance to clinch a playoff birth. Despite the fact that this is old hat due to them being the most dominant teams of the 2000's (yeah, that's right), I figured, hey, it's a Thursday before my last day in the office for the holidays, so why don't I break every rule I have and go out on a weeknight. I proceeded to actually be semi-responsible in my imbibing, and as such, I was up at 6:30 this morning with Jess getting ready.

That being said, I did have a couple of malted beverages while out.

Something you need to know about me before we continue on. I don't know what exact system of my body is responsible for "smell reduction," but whatever it is, it's broken. If I eat garlic, you smell it for days (there's actually a burger Jess has banned me from getting due to the fact that I smell of it for approximately 2 days); but there's nothing that makes me reek like liquor.

We continue.

So, there we are, about 6:45, brushing our teeth. All the sudden, Jess gets morning sickness; which hasn't happened for weeks. I run and get her something to drink, bring it back in. As she's recovering, she states what made her throw up - that's right, me. Apparently the combo of nachos, beer, buffalo chicken, beer and sleep made my breath a little, how shall I say it...toxic? Jess sheepishly looked at me, not wanting to hurt my feelings and said, "Uh. I just caught your breath and um..." I started laughing and at that point, Jess realized it was safe to continue. "I think I just downed an entire beer."

So, I singlehandedly brought back my wife's morning sickness. Good times.

December Doctor Visit

I went to the doctor on the 16th for my monthly check up. Everything is going great so far. I was rather nervous about this one because I've been feeling so good. At least when I felt like crap, I knew it was "a sign of a healthy pregnancy." (which btw, is a bunch of bull. They just feed that line to sick women to make them feel better because the lack of sickness is also the sign of a healthy pregnancy. I view it as the equivalent of saying rain on your wedding day is good luck. No its not. It sucks.) But now that I've been feeling good, but still can't feel the baby move, it was reassuring to hear the heartbeat.

For all those lawyers out there, you might get a kick out of how dorky I was at the appointment. Justin had a meeting and was unable to make it. And, since he hasn't heard the heartbeat since October, I had the bright idea of bringing along my dictaphone. Yep. I recorded my baby's heartbeat on a dictaphone. The same dictaphone I record horribly boring status letters and memos regarding workers' compensation. It ended up working out great though, and now I look at my dictaphone and think of Blueberry instead of work!

Almost Everyone Knows

Week 17....The cat is slowly getting let out of the bag. We told Justin's mom (Grandma Susan) the weekend before Thanksgiving, and my parents (Meema and Pop) and my brother Jim the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Needless to say, the conversations over Thanksgiving weekend centered on babies babies and more babies. The reveals centered around the ultrasound pictures. If I was more techno-saavy I would upload the pictures to the blog so that everyone can see them. But hey, this is the first time I've ever blogged. Baby steps.....That's what Justin is for. Plus, we'll get much better pictures at the 20 week ultrasound on January 8th. By then maybe I'll have learned how to scan.

When I say that almost everyone knows, its because there are still several important people who (hopefully) have no idea. Namely, my brothers and their wives, Joe/Juli and John/Jenny. The plan is to show up at Christmas all pregnant and see if they notice. The Vegas odds have them thinking I'm just fat, but I'm hoping that the baby bump will be recognizable. We'll let you know how it turns out.

While Justin says I clearly look pregnant (and my pants agree), I think I just look like I need to go the gym. I swear strangers look at my stomach and judge me. I'm right at the middle point where my pre-pregnancy pants don't button but most maternity pants slip down and sag. The baby is apparently the size of an avacado at this point. So its no surprise that my pants don't fit. I will be very excited to finally look pregnant.

The good news is that I'm finally feeling like a normal person. I haven't thrown up since before Thanksgiving and have felt pretty good for about two weeks. This is supposed to be the "golden" part of pregnancy. I'm hoping that turns out to be true. The jury is still out. While I may not be puking, I'm also going to bed at 8:00 pm and get heartburn when I even just think about eating. That is only supposed to get worse. I think I should take out stock in Tums!

More later....Merry Christmas!

We're going live people!!!!

(Alternate Title: It's like a Choose Your Own Adventure Book)

Ok, so, from this point forward, the Blueberry Blog will be updated live rather than in 1980's sit-com flashback form. So to catch up prior to this point, read this blog from the first post (the bottom post), but from here on, we'll be updating as things move along.

Thanks in advance,
The Management

The Secrets.....Revealed!!!!

It's pretty difficult to motivate to write a blog post when you know that no one is looking at it.

Huh. Interesting, eh?

So, luckily that's going to be changing soon, so here I go, back on the horse with the Neverending Story of the pregnancy. Much like the magician who showed all of his tricks, what I reveal here is a peek behind the curtain at the great Blueberry cover-up...the tricks of the trade, the lies, the uh..more lies, the um...well....covert operations? Maybe?

Actually, let me let evil Justin take over for a little bit.....

OK, LET'S BE STRAIGHT PEOPLE, if you're a good enough friend to be reading this blog, at some point, either Jess or I lied to you. Period. Let's not sugar coat it. In fact, in some cases, I enjoyed it. I laughed when you asked me "what's new" and I said nothing. I giggled when I got off the phone and had just covered up the fact that we're having a child....I thought it was funny. I got a strange thrill out of it. How you like me now? Huh? Huh?

Sorry about that....we're going to keep him bottled up from here on...moving right along.....

The next portion of our story can be entitled (in Honor of Rocky and Bullwinkle): Morning Sickness or Where All Jess Threw Up. Let's see....Saugatuck, Michigan (multiple times on that one, once in a restaurant during the middle of dinner - that was a fun one), the Clark and Division Red Line Station (the morning after Election Night - her celebratory ice cream didn't do her good - but no one helped her because the entire city was hungover that morning, and we're assuming that they just thought she was in the same boat), her office (quite a bit), home (we have a routine down)....the list goes on and on.....pretty much the majority of October and early November was spent on our couch (which I am not known to complain about during college football season).

During that time, we also had the excitement of the first cancelled trip due to the baby. We were supposed to be going to Vegas at the end of October (please note, again, we apologiz..LIES, DIRTY STINKING LIES about why we weren't going). So, since we couldn't exactly lie to our friends Sharon and Todd about why we weren't going, Sharon and Todd were blessed (that's right Todd, blessed) to be the first to find out about the Blueberry.

There is one other area that I would be remiss if I did not discuss in this episode of "Pregnancy Revealed." That is....fake drinking.

I don't know if you know this, but Jess likes to have a nip of the hooch every so often (I know, I do too, but this isn't about me, so stop judging; it's about Jess - as such, judge her). The lack of such nips would be a bit of a telltale sign that something was up, so, as such, that's where fake drinking came in. What I've done here is for the sake of convenience is made a list of the different social events where the new Burtnett pastime of fake drinking took place, please look at the list for the social event or events you attended with us and you'll know how we TRICKED YOU, THAT'S RIGHT, WE TRICKED YOU......

Mom's Birthday - Three-Drink Monty (Jess and I putting our drinks next to each other and me taking one for the team and drinking both drinks) and the tried and true Bud Light bottle filled with water.

Chili Cookoff - Let's see, pouring a Bud Light out in the sink and adding in Lemonade was the way of the world at this one, although we did also do some three-drink Monty with Makers and Ginger (yeah, really quick, before we go too much further, I'd like everyone to recognize the sacrifices I made here, I was willing to drink for two on many a night to keep up this elaborate ruse. That totally goes against my character as you all know....I'd just like some credit for that, thanks.). I also believe a Ginger with a splash of Coke was used at this event.

David and Michelle's Michigan Wedding - This was a straight Bud Light with water in it and three-drink Monty. Oh yeah, Jess almost booted in David's mom's house, I'd be remiss in not mentioning that....

Mixteco Grill Dinner - One of our more clever ploys...we poured out two Bud Lights and refilled them with Lemonade and then recapped them. Despite the fact I really really didn't want to drink Bud Light at a nice dinner, we figured it was the safe move, as no one in the history of man has ever asked for "a taste of your Bud Light" (man, it even looks funny in print).

Webster Wine Bar - Welsh's Light White Grape Juice...stuff looks exactly like watery wine...when no one is looking, it's perfect (Thanks Kathleen). That being said, Jess was told that she needed to try the Champagne over and over, how'd she try it? That's right, when everyone wasn't looking, I chugged it. (Note: That's a horrible, horrible idea. Kids, do not try this at home)

Majors' Wedding - Vodka Tonics made out of Sprite with limes.

Girls Night - Cherry Juice as red wine. That's a Burtnett original.

If fake drinking were an Olympic sport, Jess would be an Eastern Bloc Rhythmic Gymnastic Team (totally isn't where you thought I was going there, was it?).

It goes on and on and on and on.....

So, after the shocking Gray's Anatomy style diagnosis of "child" - sadly, we did not go onto hiatus for the rest of the summer, rather, we went to work.

And then, that Friday, what did we do? That's right, went to Indy for the weekend for my mom's birthday, where Jess got to hone her now needed fake drinking skills. The water in a Bud Light bottle carried the day.

We laughed and laughed about how good Jess was feeling and how she couldn't be pregnant on the drive down to Indy.

Then Monday morning she threw up in the shower. This is pretty much what happened for the next 3 weeks.

The following Friday, October 3rd, we went in for an ultra sound....we were told not to expect to hear a heartbeat yet. However, that prediction was wrong, as we heard the heartbeat that day. Talk about another step towards feeling "real." Wow.

At that point, the baby was the size of the Blueberry. Hence, the in utero name.

We actually had picked out the name "Maybe," but for some reason it wasn't sticking. We figured we'd go with Maybe for a couple reasons. One, we're not learning the sex of the baby, so it "may be" a boy or it "may be" a girl. Second, we found out that Jess' due date is May 25, so it's a May baby (I'll give you a second......waiting......waiting......look at it again......there we are). Third, the obvious Arrested Development reference (for the three of you reading who watched.

But, like I said, we started going with blueberry and it seemed more organic (pun intended) than forced, so that's what it is. We're well aware that blueberry is going to be a heck of alot bigger than a blueberry in the end, thus we should probably consider the name Violet Beauregarde.

Ok....so here's the situation....

Alright...where were we?

That's right, we were at the "holy crap, are you kidding me point" of the story. I continue.

Anyway, Jess then proceeded to take two more pregnancy tests over the next 12 hours, and oddly enough, they didn't change the result. In fact, on one of them, she even saw the line. It was a big step.

So, needless to say, a call to her girl parts doctor was now in order. Jess went there first thing in the morning and got her blood taken, we then had to wait 36 hours for the results. Surreal to say the least. During that time, we went to the dentist. After mucho google-ing and talking to Jess' doctor, we were able to learn that she was fine to get a cleaning, but that she couldn't get X-rays. So, the first people to know we were pregnant? That's right, the fine people at the Dental Salon! Of course.

(So, there I am, less than 24 hours after an earth-altering discovery, having to answer the question "are you excited?" from a dental hygienist. Odd.)

Anyway, as you can probably guess by now, the next day we got the call from the doctor confirming the "diagnosis" - which was "child".

Where it began. I cant begin to knowin.

So, despite the fact that I'm writing this in early to mid October, there's alot of stuff to catch all-ya-all up on.

First, let's talk about how baby's are made. When two people love eachother very much....oh. You guys know this? Oh. In fact most of you have kids? Oh, then I guess we can skip ahead.

So, as many of you know, we were expecting this to all take a while, we sort of figured, hey, we'll start the process, we'll start looking into fertility options once the new year hits, we'll start looking into adoption, etc. So, the process started, but with no real hope.

That being said, and being the responsible pre-parents we are, since we were going to the dentist, and because Jess was a little late, we figured, ok, sure, let's take a pregnancy test. So, on September 22, 2008, after polishing off our Taco Bell (all organic, all the time, that's us), we (ok, as an aside, I'll probably use the term "we" alot in this blog, I'm well well aware that I'm pulling right around .03% of the weight of this whole thing right now, but for some reason, pride still allows me to use the we....in other words, feel free to substitute in Jess at any point).

Anyway, as we sat there with How I Met Your Mother on the DVR paused and a Taco Bell napkin covering the pee stick, we pulled it back and were shocked by what we found. Sort of.

In a true "movie" moment, we couldn't figure out if the stick was showing two lines or not. I immediately said, yep, that's two lines, no question, oh my gosh. Jess wasn't quite as convinced. I then showed her the part of the test instructions that said "the second line might be faint, but if there is any second line, congratulations, you're about to have a bowling ball sized human in your lower ab region. Good luck with that." (or something along those lines). Needless to say, Jess did not believe it, which is when the internet came out. After doing some brief research, including a process of elimination, we discovered that Jess was either pregnant or had testicular cancer. We were both leaning towards the former.

In the next update.......the next couple of weeks.

Seven Weeks In....and I'm starting the blog....

I'll catch you up on the last couple of weeks along the way, but right now, Jess is feeling like crap, the Blueberry is about the size of, well, a blueberry and we're still in a state of shock.